Fill yer weekend with rock and metal

PLEASE place your liver in the overhead locker, a neck brace is provided underneath in case of passengers need to abandon headbanging. In the event of alcohol decompression please grab the glass and place it to your lips because this is one helluva weekend to board the rock and metal flight to chaos - you're all spoilt for choice!

Departures on Friday night will be to the Stiff Kitten and the Diamond Rock Club. Arrival at the Stiff Kitten is scheduled for 8pm where your courier in the shape of Mr James Loveday will ensure you are safe and calm before Donum Dei, By Conquest or Consent, Little Miss Stakes and Hammerfest bound Sinocence will blow any travel cobwebs off your denim and leather...

Others will arrive in Ahoghill Rock City where arrival at the Diamond Rock Club will see travellers face-to-face with Maverick and Jizzy Pearl's Love/Hate.

Should seasoned travellers wish to return for more on Saturday then buckle your belts, remove sharp objects and assume the brace position.

There are three - yes three - destinations of choice.

Simultaneously flights will be arriving at 5pm at The Empire and Limelight2.

At 5pm on Ormeau Avenue there is the Owlcrusher, Okus and War Iron...foundations shall shake and tectonic plates will shift; hopefully after a safe landing for all.

Meanwhile on Botanic arrival at gate Empire is all in a good cause. BlazefestIV is in aid of the Royal Belfast Hospital for Sick Children, which sees the likes of Altus, Baleful Creed, Worldsend and Stormzone pack the joint.

However, for those with a penchant for tales of zombies and robotic cops Gama Bomb will be at the Voodoo, with early arrivals set to experience the likes of Acid Age, Scimitar and Defyed open the duty free....

Now, if that isn't enough for you of a weekend then may we kindly suggest that you take Beige Airlines to Vanilla Central and watch some shit on TV...