WARNING - RANT AHEAD: And Devin Townsend & Steve Earle...
THERE is an alarming trend amongst male folk in Northern Ireland - that is wearing coloured jeans and chinos...
We're sorry - that's just wrong! You know the type of trouser we're talking about, that awful orange jean, or green tinged chino, often accompanied by some 'stylish' sweater. If you find yourself tempted to buy, or worse still wear such items be prepared to hand in your memberhip card for the male gender.
No, we're not being discriminatory, we couldn't care less if you are black, white, gay, straight, bi-sexual, or any orientation or cultural background; if you come with the male 'equipment' downstairs and wear these abominations you are more interested in fashion than any male should be...
Let us be clear the only colours acceptable in jeans are blue denim or black; the only colour chinos should have are that proper chino colour: better still have a few extra pockets around the thighs in the off-chance you'll be mistaken for a roadie. Combat trousers of any colour are also acceptable.
When you slough off the suit of subjucation or peel off the work clothes you now know that 'coloured' jeans are verbotten if you are a member of the male species. We can, however, suggest a recovery programme of selected CDs, gigs like Devin Townsend, Lordi, Saxon, Black Sabbath and even one Mr Steve Earle...group counselling is also available on request.
As to the ladies - you are all beautiful and can wear whatever you want at gigs...
But why rant about the absurdity of followers of 'fashion' - also known as lining the pockets of the corporate bitches of the high street?
Well we are acutely aware that being a little bit odd, or off-the-wall is a good thing in metal and rock - even in country rock. When Devin Towsend plays the Stiff Kitten this coming Sunday you will see an example of an extreme guitar widdler, with a vision that at times is as much about being bonkers as being a genius, a line he treads closely, just on the side of genius.
As to Lordi on Saturday...no more needs to be said, but we know when they shrug off the stage costumes they pull on a pair of jeans.
But let us also look at the case of Steve Earle, whose Copperhead Road album still stands the test of time as a country/southern rock classic. When Mr Earle takes to the stage at the Limelight on June 2nd you know he won't be wearing coloured jeans.
And, most of all when Saxon come on stage at the Mandella Hall this coming Friday not one of the gig goers will not know the words to their classic fan tribute - Denim and Leather...
We know that most metal and rock performers, and a fair amount of the fans are odd to say the least, but odd is much cooler than following the fashionistas any day of the year!
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