Mind your manners - a simple guide to rock and metal gig etiquette

HEAVY metal gigs and concerts, are anarchic - where the rules of normal society are set aside for a few short hours, when brutally loud music, sweaty people, alcohol and, occasionally, mosh pits may break out. But recently we have observed some rather disturbing behaviour.

So disturbed are we that we feel it necessary to outline some very simple gig etiquette lessons - a way to help you and those around you to enjoy the gig...

While we all know that if someone 'goes down' in the pit it is in the unwritten code of metal that those around them pause to bring that person back to their feet. The lessons below are there to help us all enjoy the band's performance.

One of the worst set of behaviours we saw recently was at the Wintersun/Darkest Era gig. A pair of numpties spent the entire Wintersun set filming it on their mobile phones, pausing only to update their Facebook status and yell out the singer's name. These behaviours are simply wrong, so let's break it down a little.

First - we all are there to actually hear and see the band. We don't need to watch it through your phone screen. Of course, now and again a gig-goer may want to capture a song that it is special to them; and in that case it can be done without holding the camera in front of everyone, blocking their view. The videos taken by Nigel Jackson are fine, some very good, some excellent, but you'll not see him at the front, blocking everyone's view.

Lesson One - DO NOT block the view of others with your smartphone - it just proves you're not smart.

Next from the litany of shame above - updating your Facebook pages while at a gig...why? This proves you are a pathetic human being who needs to tell others how special you are to be at the gig. If they wanted to go they'd have bought a ticket, and if you are messaging someone else in the gig on Facebook then you are a sad human being obsessed with your own ego...

Lesson Two - YOU CAN WAIT until the band is off stage to tell people about the gig; and wait until afterwards to 'talk' to the person you were messaging; humans have evolved over tens of thousands of years to have a functioning voice box.

Going back to the list of appalling gig etiquette above - why do you need to constantly yell out the singer's name? Surely he knows it and doesn't need reminding. Or is this a tactic to draw attention to yourself? Mmmmm, on consideration this seems to what you are at. Believe us, ask any band member and this is irritating - especially when they are playing or introducing the next song.

Bands have prepared and rehearsed for months - sometimes for years - their set and their stagecraft and will not make a special point to come over, shake your hand, give you a blow job, offer their services as a personal slave, gift you their merchandise. There are hundreds, sometimes thousands of people at a gig, and they do not need reminding what the singer's name is.

Lesson Three - DO NOT yell out a band member's name constantly - it is irritating, selfish and draws the crowd's attention to you being a prat, more interested in 'getting' attention than allowing the band to do their job, which is entertaining the crowd. If you really are that keen spend a few thousand and book them to play in your front room.

Moving on from this is the habit some people to hold a conversation during a band's set. You've paid to get in, paid to see the band perform. What conversation cannot wait until the gig is over?

This is disrespectful towards the band, who have worked to record their material and are there playing their heart's out, delivering to the Northern Ireland audience an often exclusive to the island set. You and your mate then spend the time yabbering, chittering and generally being annoying.

Lesson Four - JUST SHUT UP. It can wait, or simply just take it outside where you can massage each other's ego without disturbing others.

At the extreme end of disrespectful behaviour are those people who complain at others bouncing about, throwing the horns etc. As mentioned above, rock and metal gigs are anarchic. They are places when some of your inhibitions can be left aside. If you are not happy being in the melee then move elsewhere. Do not stand next to the mosh pit and then complain that someone has 'bumped' into you, do not stand at the crash barrier and complain about being 'crushed'. It's not the ballet, the opera or an orchestral manoeuvre in the dark - it's a rock gig! Prepare to bounce up and down, have fun and enjoy the cathartic experience.

Lesson Five - EXPECT TO BE BUMPED. Go to the back, find a seat, or go to the edges, otherwise just enjoy yourselves.

Then there are the evils of booze...Alcohol is an excellent lubricant, muscle relaxant and is generally accepted to be part of the culture around rock and metal. If it was up for Government approval now it would be turned down. Now most of us really enjoy a pint but at gigs there is such a thing as too much. The drunken, semi-conscious drunkard stumbling around pretty much can be annoying (author's note - we may have exhibited these behaviour, but we try not to...).

The Final lesson - JUST ENJOY yourselves. Have a few drinks but not too many, thrash around, don't get in people's way with your camera, show respect to your fellow gig goers, shut up until it's over, don't stand updating your social media status and if you don't want to be pushed and shoved find a safe place for you.

Are there any other lessons you think gig goers should observe, or do you think that it is everything goes? Comments, conversations, complaints and general waffling welcome...