To ease fears of meltdown for the global economy there is only on solution: a delegation led by Lemmy, Helfield, Harris and Iommi should be received by the International Monetary Fund, and the European Bank.
Their proposal will be simple: 10% of ticket sales in Ireland (north and south) for the next two years will be used to bail out the global economy. That will have the effect of wiping out the UK, Irish, Spanish and Greek debts. The delegation will have only two pre-conditions. These are: disembowel "that c**t Cowell" (Copyright Jake Burns, SLF) and shoot on sight all Strictly C**ts Dancing.
There - with the global economic crisis solved I can now move into complete panic mode: how in the name of all that is diabolically satanically majestic is an hard working fan of Lucifer's own soundtrack going to afford all these glorious concerts both in terms of money and time?
One could sell a (moderately abused) kidney, but eBay have cracked down on that sort of thing...
Sell sperm to needy women wanting children (should have thought of that before the vasectomy!)
Sell my body (would have to be for medical science as no self-respecting homo sapiens would want it for anything else)
...ahh feck it, there's no hope! Will just have to hope that Lord Hetfield and Lemmy have remembered to rig the Lotto for me tomorrow night!
So: even though I've not been keeping up here's as many upcoming gigs that my beer saddled brain cares to recall at this time of the night:
- Diamond Head
- Toby Jepson
- Dan Reed
- Iron Maiden
Ahh feck it - there's no way to keep up! Will have to sober up and sit down and list all the forthcoming gigs from national and international acts, not to mention the hundreds of fantastic local gigging and recording bands!