Belfast to host first ever rock awards

I'VE posted about the NI  Rock Music Awards before, but in the tradition of lazy journalism, rather than re-type the official press release, we've done what many so-called rock mag journos do...copied and pasted the press release below.

Comments from me marked in red...

Belfast’s most prolific live bar is to hold the first ever Northern Ireland Rock Music Awards, as part of the city’s second annual Music Week.

The official announcement that Ma Nelson’s will host the prestigious new ceremony will be made this coming Friday evening (2 September), as part of the Lisburn Road venue’s first birthday celebrations.

The bar, formerly Hunters, was taken over in August 2010 by entertainment journalist Tina Calder. In the intervening year, the venue has hosted almost 1,000 live bands, covering every possible genre of music.

Tina said: “When I took over Ma Nelson’s, I decided to do two things immediately. Firstly, keep the name because the bar had been through so many changes another change would not be welcomed by the regular customers, and secondly turn it into a live music, rock and sports bar.

“By rock, we mean we cover everything from blues, classic rock, rock, metal and thrash to goth, punk, mod, ska, indie and alternative. [Editor's Note: As one who remembers the violence perpetuated by mods and skinheads on metallers and punks in the 80's we're not too sure about these, just yet - peace talks need to be entered into....get Skindred to play Ma Nelson's as a first step :)]There is no other bar in Northern Ireland who has dedicated themselves to these particular genres. Other bars do hold separate nights or live music events but none are fully based on this.

“By sports bar, we mean that we accommodate and welcome all sports fans. Primarily, we have been known as a football bar due to Northern Ireland matches and Linfield cup finals and the showing of Premiership and Championship throughout the football season.

“However, we are now working on a marketing plan that will start to publicise and promote everything from rugby, tennis and cricket to boxing, Formula One, American Football [I used to write about that professionally and play it badly too as anyone with the misfortune of seeing me play will testify!] and wrestling.

“On top of our new music and sports fans, we also welcome a lot of regular customers, many who have been drinking in the bar in excess of 30 years. Our policy is to bring Ma Nelson’s back to the magic of a local family owned bar in the heart of a community.”

It is only fitting that, in recognition of the venue’s work ethic in promoting live music, it has been chosen as the venue for the first ever Northern Ireland Rock Music Awards (NIRMAs), which are being held on Saturday 5 November – the night before the MTV EMAs.

Nominations for a wide range of categories will open this coming Friday (2 September), when details are announced at the weekly High Voltage rock club from 8.30pm.

A nominations shortlist from a public vote will then be judged by various panels of industry professionals who will name the winners of each category as well as overall winners in each of the groups.


Rock journalist Mark Ashby, co-founder of the Paradise City classic rock promotion and co-promoter of the NIRMAs, said: “In more than 25 years in and around the local music scene, I cannot remember a time when it has been more energetic, exciting and vibrant. [Damn right - difficult to keep up with all the talent...not counting when you're a diabolical diabetic who really, really shouldn't be 'Drinking Beer, Destroying, to borrow a phrase from Trucker]

“There are so many brilliant bands doing so much good stuff, it’s a real honour to be a small part of it. The local rock and alternative scene has rarely hit the headlines of the mainstream media [Maybe we should keep it that way...BBC and the others are so feckin' patronising when they cover rock and metal - comments on this point welcome!] but this only makes us stronger and more determined to succeed in doing what we love.

“These awards are our way of celebrating the alternative scene throughout Northern Ireland: every musician who picks up an instrument, records a song and gets up on stage deserves an award in my opinion.”
Tina Calder added: “The Northern Ireland alternative music scene has been crying out for recognition for years. All too often awards ceremonies will give accolades to the TV, film and showbiz industries and when music is discussed it’s more often than not commercial chart-topping acts who win.

“While it is undeniable that bands such as Therapy? Ash, Snow Patrol, Stiff Little Fingers, The Divine Comedy and many more have certainly made an impression from their roots here in Northern Ireland, it’s now time to look a bit closer to home.


“They may not be filling stadiums throughout the world but many of our local bands are playing up to six times a month to respectable crowds and have gained themselves quite a reputation on the local music scene.”

For more information or nomination packs, visit www.facebook.com/NIrockmusicawards or email NIrockmusicawards@gmail.com

ENDS

Now when Friday rolls around nominate ye scurvy dogs!

Last few Maiden tickets released...

THE last few Iron Maiden tickets for next week's gig at the Odyssey have been released - and it is the very last few! And if any of you were wavering in any way - take a wee gander at the set list below and it'll make your mind up...


Satellite 15... The Final Frontier
El Dorado
2 Minutes to Midnight
The Talisman
Coming Home
Dance of Death
The Trooper
The Wicker Man
Blood Brothers
When the Wild Wind Blows
The Evil That Men Do
Fear of the Dark
Iron Maiden

Encore:

The Number of the Beast
Hallowed Be Thy Name
Running Free

All this and Dragonfartz...sorry Dragonforce - too!

Getting Reckless with Love in ye olde Limelight

FROM the one and only Mr Loveday:

New gig confirmed: After the success of last years show RECKLESS LOVE make their return to Belfast. Thursday 1st December, Limelight, Belfast. Doors 8pm. Tix (£16) on sale now from 22 Ticketmaster outlets province wide, Eason’s Belfast. 24hr hotlines - Tel: 0844 277 44 55. Buy online at ticketmaster.ie.

Paying tribute, honouring the great, giving for the future

THERE may have been those who noted this before, but I caught this on Total Rock earlier today:

IRISH BANDS PAY TRIBUTE TO LATE HEROES


There's to be a charity night in memory of late Sweet Savage guitarist Trevor 'Flinky' Fleming and Mamas Boys drummer Tommy McManus at the Spring & Airbrake in Belfast on September 24. The bill is to feature Sweet Savage, The Pat McManus Band, Million $ Reload and the Stevie K Band. The proceeds will be split between The Belfast City Hospital Cancer Unit, Northern Ireland Cancer Fund For Children and the N.I. Hospice.

Right y'all! September 24th; Spring and Airbrake: honouring the fallen by contributing to tomorrow. Rock and metal stands with those in need.

For all of us true fans in 'Norn Iron' Tommy and Trev will never, ever be forgotten: honour their memory and be there on 24/09/11!
\m/

2012...that will be Rammstein then

THEY'RE outrageous, slightly mad, and with an avant garde twist to industrial metal, but Rammstein are heading for Dublin, with a date confirmed by MCD on 27th February 2012.

Tickets go on sale on 8th July at almost sixty Euros. Here's the full blurb:

After highly acclaimed appearances in Australia and South Africa, and following an extended tour of North America and Mexico, for which they were awarded Best Live Band at the REVOLVER GOLDEN GODS AWARDS, it would seem as though they hadn finally deserved to take a breather.

RAMMSTEIN are not resting but have assembled a retrospective of their greatest successes: “Made In Germany 1995 - 2011”!

The machinery of RAMMSTEIN Live is hauling across the whole of Europe and bringing the essence of 16 years to the stage. With a completely new show, and with RAMMSTEIN’s Greatest Hits.

Observers know this: The new RAMMSTEIN spectacle will be a rebirth in thunder!

Parallel to the tour, the band is releasing its personal look back at 20 RAMMSTEIN original bests, including an unreleased track, as well as the entire video catalog.

The work’s title, “Made In Germany 1995 – 2011”, attests likewise that a fair number of the achievements highlighted may well be definitive ones.

MCD Presents

RAMMSTEIN

The O2, Dublin

27th February 2012

Tickets from €59.80 including booking fee limited to six per person

On Sale This Friday 8th July at 9.00am

From Ticketmaster Outlets Nationswide

Online: www.ticketmaster.ie http://www.ticketmaster.ie/

Doors: 6:30pm

Under 16s to be accompanied by parent/guardian.

GRUMP CORE MEETS PIRATE CORE - BEER PARTY ENSUES

OKAY, as cynical old rock and metal bastard there are few occassions when I come close to pissing myself laughing when a well turned sneer serves better.

And, as someone who detests labelling bands by specious genres I again came close to pissing myself laughing. Mr Loveday I bow to your descriptions, and even though I have heard only two of these bands I may venture to hear such unique sounds.

I've highlighted the genres...


06 August · 16:00 - 21:00  at The Limelight The Distortion Project Presents:

CONAN – Liverpool Battle Doom

DRAINLAND – Southern Grump Core

SLOMATICS – Should Know Better

DE NOVISSIMIS - Dublin Piratecore

WAR IRON – Belfast Beef


Sat 6th August, Limelight Belfast. £5 door tax - Belfast Beef, Dublin Piratecore, Southern Grump Core, Battle Doom death match with 'Should Know Better'...As an aged purveyor of this rock and metal shit I'm in the Grump Core corner

Daft Leopards in Belshaft

HAT tip for the Blabbermouth spot by Seatzie of a Def Leppard video of the Lepps soundcheck in Belfast.

You can view the vid here and decide for yourselves whether this is destined for release or inclusion in DVD?

Personally I fell out of love with the Lepps a long time ago given Mr Elliott and Mr Campbell's comments about metal - which conveniently forgot who put them on the road to Mutt Lange inspired mega bucks - hell I preferred the late lamented Deft Leppard.

But this video of Animal represents a song from a band that I still loved and that has consistently failed to live up to that promise - and if you disagree, fair enough, but remember everyone might have an opinion, but everyone has an arse too: it's spotting the difference that counts :)

And my opinion is that this is a damn good rendition of Animal!

Double Turisas Townsend trouble

CONFIRMATION on their official websites has Turisas and Devin Townsend co-headlining at the Limelight Complex on 7th November in what promises to be a heavy on the metal and loud and proud folk battle fiddle-icous night

More details as soon as we have them

In a band? Then pay close attention

THERE is a reason why they call it show business. You put on a show/release music/sell merch and it's a business with a show attached. Yeah, we'd all like to believe that the world will stand-up and acclaim our greatness, but it ain't always going to be that way.

And, when it comes to encouraging cynical journos and jaded website radio hosts to carry your tracks just plain waffling, or "here's our song and we're brilliant" will not get our ears turning your direction.

For a variety of reasons I am copied into the submissions to the wonderful Rock Radio NI. To be honest, most of the acts who send tracks etc need a good kick up the arse, but as an atheist, pascifist (except in a pit!) here's some helpful hints for what I will listen to, and what you need to do to catch attention [and, with several years as a full-time journo, 14 years as an award-winning PRO I actually do know what I am talking about - well when I am sober I do].

First of all - the title of this blog includes the word "Belfast" therefore if you are not from Northern Ireland you better have a damn good reason to send tracks that you hope to be reviewed by my or included on Rock Radio NI.

Next, include in any covering email some clear, listed information. As I am a nice person [a.k.a. Maker's Mark bourbon glass #5 tonight making me nicer by the hour] here is a suggested way to present that basic information:

• Name of band
• Name of Song
• Is it from an EP, Album or a one off?
• Brief profile of band
• Name of band members
• Picture (if you have one)
• Album/EP/Single artwork
• Web address(es)
• Contact phone numbers
• Gigs played/upcoming gigs

If you are serious about your music this sort of information will be a breeze to pull together. The moment it becomes a pain in the arse put your gear on eBay and join me in the pit!

If yout want more advice and you're committed to your hard rock/heavy metal drop me an email.

Warriors of rock -UPDATE

THE ever reliable Distortion Project has scored another cracker for September with confirmation that Warrior Soul will be playing the Spring and Airbrake on Saturday the 17th.

Support comnes from Sinocence and Rebels by Nature: tickets from the usual outlets will cost you a measly £15 plus fees.

Onslaught on Belfast!

THRASH slaughter's coming to Belfast in September with Onslaught, Gamma Bomb and Fallen Fate play the Spring and Airbrake.

The date for this Distorition Project coup is 29th September.

Tickets will cost you £16.50, plus fees, and are now on sale from 22 Ticketmaster outlets province wide, Eason’s Belfast. 24hr hotlines

Awarding the very best of Norn Iron's rock and metal

IN November a small-time production crew going by the name of MTV will be dragging their preening princes and princess of pop-tastic stupidity over to Belfast for the MTV Europe Music Video Awards

Now forget that stupidity and put the really important date in November in your diary.

November 5th - and the BELFAST ROCK AND METAL AWARDS at The Empire Music Hall.

To quote event organiser Mark Ashby: "For too long, the wonderful rock scene that we all love has been overlooked by the mainstream media, so we're going to get our own back and shove it right in their faces.

"This is the first awards ceremony dedicated solely and exclusively to the rock and metal scene right here in Norn Iron."

The first set of categories include:

• Best Band
• Best Live Show
• Best Visiting Band
• Best Marketing Campaign and
• The Gary Moore Inspiration Award

 As if that wasn't enough, playing on the night will be:

• Sweet Savage
• Trucker Diablo
• Triggerman and
• Last Known Addiction

 Are we excited? Hell Yeah!

More detail soon...

 

Why rockers and metalheads should be afraid, very afraid

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING RANT HAS SWEARIE BITS AND SELF-INDULGENT WAFFLING/PARANOIA...

ARE you sitting comfortably? Well you shouldn't be! You should be looking at your 'net favourites to see is there anything that an innocent wee child could be offended by should they 'encounter it'.

You should be outraged!

Have ever watched a rock/metal music video with a 'violent' or 'sexual' theme? Yes? Well, there is the very real possibility that age rating will put those beyond 9 o'clock, if note air completely and channels will be clogged with pop-punk derivative drivel in the meantime. The  director's artistic and poignant interpretation of Metallica's cover of Bob Seger's 'Turn the Page would never have been made let alone seen.

Why these dire predictions?

For those of you not inclined to watch what passes for news on the telly, on the radio and our snoozepapers, you will have missed the fact that the Tory party backed investigation into the sexualisation of children was published this week past.

And what has this to do with hard rock and heavy metal?

Well for a start, even the most reactionary bands object to censorship; but more importantly, hard rock and heavy metal will be collateral damage when the Tories begin the pressure on the music and fashion business to adopt voluntary codes or else the big legislative stick comes out.

[There now follows a brief historical interlude for younger readers...]

Back in the 1980s heavy metal and hard rock strode the continents, powerful, potent and selling albums by the bucket load. Oh, and the Tories were in power, and right wing politics was in vogue in the USA.

Along came a spider web of organisations with the claim of being the moral majority. Leading the fascist anti-freedom of speech charge was the PMRC. Everytime you see one of those pathetic "Parental Advisory" stickers, it's thanks to Tipper Gore and her PMRC mates. To realise how insane these people were, consider the fact that they published a 'Filthy 15' of songs that would corrupt youth. Consider the fact that Def Leppard were lumped in with WASP, and Venom with Cyndi Lauper...

Misinformed views of what hard rock and heavy metal's themes, memes and attitude were further perpetuated; the cultural value of each and every band and each and every fan was denigrated. As collateral damage escalated, Judas Priest and Ozzy found themselves in court rooms on ridiculous charges that were laughed out of court.

Fast forward now to 2011, and the Tories are back in power with their judas lapdog Lib Dems in close attendance to whatever shit pours from David Cameron's disingenous mouth.

The Tories commissioned a report into the sexualisation of children. Did they ask an expert in the field, an academic with years of experience in the field? Did they trawl the UK and further afield for experts who could present a balanced view?

No, the Tories, in their infinite wisdom appointed a Mr Reg Bailey, the Chief Executive of the Mother's Union and former boss of Danish Bacon. An obvious choice really - administrator in chief for a christian organisation even less interesting than the WI, who in his previous job used to order the mass importation of pig flesh to under-cut local farmers. An obvious choice when you're a Tory Daily Mail reader really...

So what in the name of Sabbath has this all got to do with hard rock and heavy metal?

Well, this report into sexualisation is so vague about everything that whatever you do, say or watch could be interpreted as sexualising something. And this is the bogey word of the generation. As soon as you link sex and anything to do with 'under 18s' The Scum readers, sorry The Sun Page 3  readers, haul their semi-literate arses onto the bandwagon and radio phone-ins.

Let's be clear about something before I go any further. As a father I believe that paedophiles deserve to face the full force of the law with the maximum possible sentences imposed upon each and every one of their crimes...and then they should up to be administered several firm boots in the 'ballix' on behalf of society.

Some of the shit pouring forth from a gullible press was about under-10 girls wearing suggestive t-shirts. Is that any worse than a six-year-old boy wearing a Man U shirt with Giggs on the back?

And remember - just because the child is wearing a stupid wannabe WAG t-shirt doesn't mean she understands any of it, it just means she has stupid parents.

Back to the vague plot here...hard rock and heavy metal exist on the fringes of a society defined by a snobbish so-called intelligentsia who flaunt their media studies 'let's pretend their real degrees' as they denegrate rock.

In this Tory inspired atmosphere of fear and overtly paternal protectionism, where do you think the views of the prudes will fall when it comes to rock and metal?

Will they consider Slayer's output under what Kerry King says is extreme storytelling? Or will consider Journey's Don't Stop Believing as an ode to anonymous sexual adventures of the lonely? Will Metallica's 'Disposable Heroes' be declared too anti-war? Will Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast" be the final "satanist" nail that sees all non -approved music banned.

Yes, that stretches reality as it is today. But if Rhianna is deemed too raunchy by these self-appointed guardians of taste and decency what will they make of WASP's Animal, or any given Cradle of Filth song?

The problem is that the righteous always seem to know the things to say no to. The very darkest metal, the most melancholic hard rock, and the most indignant punk has a life-affirming quality the X-Factor wannabes will never have. But we must stand together with the numpty mime artist, over-dubbed, auto-tuned, pro-tooled z-listers just this once. The censors are prowling. In their wake comes the churches. In their wake come the blackshirts of oppression.

It might be over-egging the threat, but next thing you know creationism is being taught as secientific fact despite thousands of actual proper scientists having the burden of proof on their side: next thing the priests of the Temple of Syrinx (Rush reference slipped clumsily in there!) will determine what we listen to, what is approved and what haircut you must have as you punch in the wage slave clock.

Hard rock and heavy metal has never presented itself as a counter-culture, it has never been a 'movement'.

In the 80s the anti-rock hype led to albums belonging to a guy I went to school with being burned by his evangelical parents.

Now that's a little too close to the Nazis book-burning, the Stalin-esque purges, or the totalitarian régimes in any number of countries.

Don't raise your voices, don't enter into debate with the censors right now. Just keep being who we all are: those who play in bands, those who watch those bands, those who write and comment about it. When the time comes to resist the censor we'll know that, together, we are louder, we are prouder and we are a music family you will never silence.

Mmmm - I'm usually dead on Friday said Beardy guy on Cross

Well, the kind and wonderful folks on rockradioni added me to their list of getting stuff to review - no beer reviews offered as yet, but music aplenty. Thanks to Seatzie for the suggestion of adding me to the list.

So far I'm working the way through (no outside Northern Ireland bands getting a listen at this stage).

First review is Dead Til Friday's free ep, Water. Nice wee sound there - sort of Rage Against the Machine meets 36 Crazyfists in a dark alley. Hardcore, metal, early Funeral for a Friend and Lost Prophets all melding well.

Kicking off with 'The Longest Year' the early promise is slightly dented with some vocals a wee bit too American sounding (Zack De La Rocha influence). But the melodies, riffing and growly bits overcome this - but next time out it might be worth remembering that you're from Northern Ireland!

Quick Fix Casualty, while sound enough, is the weakest of the four on offer. In contrast Water and Sinner and Dogs seem to have more cohesion.

Honestly have never heard of the band before this, and usually don't review stuff on myspace sites, but as they posted on Soundcloud and seem to have a willingness to genuinely share rather than vanity posts, kudos to Dead Til Friday - keep the monster riffing, build on those melodies, drop the faux Yank accent and add a wee solo or two extra.

Now sending it in advance of Easter week...some people of Christian persuasion may be offended by the title, but as the Beardy guy nailed to the cross might have said: "love thy noisy neighbour!"

There's an election or two going on in this here country

THOSE of you still conscious enough to notice the world around you may have noticed that there is an election underway here in l'il ole Northern Ireland. While it would be stating the obvious that it is just a shuffling of the sectarian party headcount I got to wondering* what was the role of politics in 'eavy fuggin' metaaa and hard rockin' dudes and dudettes**

After all, heavy metal, hard rock, punk and most damn fine musical styles*** stand above the sectarian squabbling. We may or may not hav any views on a united Ireland or being British, but it never interferes with the music, the people we share a pint and a natter with, or our appreciation of those times when the walls are shaking and the bass line and double bass kicks ar playing havoc with facial muscles.

But, thinking on, politicians are meant to represent those who reside in their constituencies. Those of you who are readers of this blog (and the many other fine rock and metal sites) should have a say in the political future of Norn Iron!

Let's start with a few baby steps - when a prospective Assembly member knocks on your door, do not hurriedly don your Cradle of Filth 'Jesus is a C**t' t-shit. Politicians are like sheep and easily startled - whatever you are wearing will suffice. Greet them with a smile - that always confuses them, especially if you have Slayer playing in the background.

Okay, you've got them engaged so far. Next thing to remember is that time is limited - they only have a few moments per household, so have your questions prepared in advance. Something simple, non-confrontational will do, like: "How will you contribute to Northern Ireland being recognised as an international source of excellent heavy metal?" That may send them running, their shiny Top Man suits a blur...

If they have not fled by this point, bring out the big guns: "Do you know the economic contribution heavy metal and hard rock make to our economy [they won't, but don't worry, it's a rhetorical question you don't need to know either]?" Fling some names of rock and metal bands at them. Pick a quotation like the Minister for Enterprise Trade and Investment saying that every pound invested in economic development produces £5 for the economy, and say "Will you invest in a dedicated unit of Invest NI for heavy metal?"

Depending on their answers, offer some solace and say you'll consider giving them your vote. [It's a secret ballot so they don't know what way you will vote.]

And, as a believer in democracy (as Winston Churchill allegedly said, and I paraphrase, it is the worst form of government as all the other types that have been tried were worse) you should vote. You may wish to pause a moment here, because there will be three papers to fill in for the Assembly, your local council and a referendum on how to vote....best go early as it has a three beer threshhold of understanding and holding the wee pencils.

To summarise, we've taken the baby steps of challenging the politicians on our doorsteps and cast our votes
On to stage two - taking over the Assembly. Nope, not a coup d'etat with tanks on Stormont's steps as we are rather short of armoured vehicles and we'd never be sober enough to remember our photographic ID when the secuity guard asks for it at the gates of Stormont.

Rather, we may chose to form a political party based on metal and rock. The 'All-Night Party' could be resurrected or something similarly catchy. As to the manifesto and policies we'll make it up as we go along.

Now on to getting elected. In our voting system you have to get enough votes to achieve a quota (look it up under proportional representation on wikipedia as I'm wasting enough time on this already!). A quota in an Assembly election averages between five and six thousand votes.

Think about how many people turned out to see Metallica last year, or who will be there for Iron Maiden on August 3rd. Add into that those that populate the Limelight, Pavillion, Ma Nelson's, the Diamond and every other venue across Norn Iron that has decent, loud music playing. That's a helluva lot of voters....

So, if we mobilise now we can take over the country, ban all the rubbish on our radios and generally enjoy the subsidised grub we'd get as an MLA. And we'd lay on free concerts on the lawns around Parliament Buildings with the likes of Sweet Savage, Trucker Diablo, A Little Bitter amongst many others.

Right - there you have it a manifesto for taking over Norn Iron as the first step towards world domination - now we need a gig to raise funds for this fledgling political party. Beer too!

In the meantime too much time has been wastd by me on this when that litre of Black Bush the former junior editor of this site (daughter) brought back from Spain for me remains half full...

Normal service of reviews, concert plugs, etc etc will resume at some stage!

ENDS

*well Budweiser and Black Bush may have aided such ponderings...
**apologies for that phrase was running out of word type ideas and dangerous amounts of blood was being detected in my alcohol stream
***we do not count, dance, hip hop, trance, techno or any version of X-Factor as a musical style

Nice wee video...Dead on like!

Came across a nice wee video on the RockRadioNI site, that gave me a giggle...it's like The Walking Dead but with a metal twist...

Nice work from Andrew Burns on direction and producing this with help from Philip Hendry..except way too high Buckfast quotient - no JD or Jager in sight - Fling some Buckie at them zombies and it's goodbye walking dead. Mind you Buckie can leave many a self-respecting metalhead like the walking dead!

Oxygen - Slash added to line-up

OKAY - normally you would be had pushed to find many metalheads knocking about the Oxegen field at Punchestown, Naas on the 8th to 10th of July, and even discerning hard rockers can find it all a wee bit too Glastonbury and scenesters.

But, it may be worthwhile having a wee consideration. Slash has now been added to a line up that has the Foo Fighters, Manic Street Preachers, My Chemical Romance and Weezer. Not really metal but you get the picture.

Unfortunately should you be tempted remember that you will have to put up with Coldplay's soporific drones and the chirpy inane bleating of the Black Eyed Peas - I suppose Fergie might turn out for a song with Slash though!

Planning ahead... Blink 182 for 2012!

MOST of us can barely plan a week ahead, but those fun-loving, profit chasing Blink 182 lads are planning a Belfast date in 2012. Yep - with their new album taking a wee bit longer than expected they've called off their 2011 summer tour, but added Dublin and Belfast dates to the re-scheduled dates. So, June 13th 2012, at the Odyssey, for humalomg, chant a chorus pop punk. You know it's wrong but y'all be thinking "Am I too cool and grown up, or just maybe I can..."

I am relying on any given one of my childer asking to go, then they'd need accompanied. That't my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Tickets on sale this Thursday - usual vendors and Ticketmaster

Did we miss the metal Mr Tourist Board - there follows a rant!

I have in my greasy mits (well I'm just after a feed of chips!) the Northern Ireland Tourist Board's promotional leaflet "Unmissable Music"'; and a fine wee leaflet it is!

You can read all about the City of Derry Jazz and Big Band Festival, the Cathedral Quarter Arts Festival, the International Guinness Blues on the Bay Festival, Celtic Fusion, and even the Appalchian and Bluegrass Festival, not to mention the MTV Music Awards.

All fine and dandy - except where's the metal? I scoured this lovingly produced and found one, yes one, mention of metal. It was in reference to Glasgowbury, and the sentence read: "...featuring eveything from rock to indie to funk to dance to metal".

Nice to know that we appear in some of the pages - and it does mention The Limelight, saying "indie and rock fans will love this venue".

But what it does not mention is the many international acts brought to Belfast stages by James's Distortion Project. Nor does it mention the international acts brought by Derwin to the outer reaches of civilisation, also known as Ahoghill's Diamond Rock Bar (and it may be in theboonies, but buses are available from Belfast!).

Simply put Northern Ireland's hard rock and metal scene deserves recognition from the Northern Ireland Tourist Board for introducing so many international acts to our wee neck of the metal world. The Tourist Board has a wee website which I am about to head on to and bleat and whine about support. Hell I may even go to the Department of Enerprise, Trade, and Investment's website and suggest they provide buckets of grant aid to James, Derwin and all the other promoters - plus the cottage industry that is locally produced hard rock and metal!

Not that the stuffed shirts would ever let their hair down or take a risk on the metal. Should they not, they mus remember that Tenacious D may be a joke band, but they weren't kidding when Jack Black sang:

"You can't kill the metal

The metal will live on"

Rant over - normal service to resume as soon as I calm down with beer and the latest Amon Amarth album...'Surtur Rising' indeed!

PS - quite fancy that Appalachian festival if they can mange some metal banjo playing...

Y&T announce new bassist...and a return to Belfast.

LEGENDARY hard rockers Y&T have today announced bassist Brad Lang as the permanent four-stringer. Lang has been filling the bass duties for Y&T during the illness and eventual the tragic death of original bassist Phil Kennemore in January of this year.

And, Y&T are now set for a return to Belfast with a Spring and Airbrake show on 11th October this year.

Support comes from Zepperla and tickets are £16.50 plus £2 booking fee.

Here's the official blurb:
"Many of the biggest acts of the '80s became popular opening for headliners Y&T—and cut their teeth on the band, as evidenced by the Y&T mentions in tell-all books by acts such as Metallica and Mötley Crüe. Now after two sell out shows they are due to return to Belfast to play the Spring & Airbrake on Friday 7th October.

"Born in Oakland, California, Y&T is one of the San Francisco Bay Area's own innovators of the hard rock sound. World-renowned headliners on their own, the band also remained the most requested support act on the hard rock road, touring with icons Ozzy Osbourne, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Mötley Crüe, and more. Whether performing to a festival crowd of fifty-thousand or in an intimate nightclub, Y&T's high-energy set still captivates legions of fans around the globe, proving Y&T's music timeless.


"Originally formed as Yesterday and Today, the initial powerhouse quartet—featuring Dave Meniketti (lead guitar/lead vocals), Phil Kennemore (bass), Leonard Haze (drums), and Joey Alves (rhythm guitar)— tore through the '70s and '80s with their own brand of hard rock. After two '70s albums on London Records, they shortened their name to Y&T and released eight albums on A&M in the '80s. Two more albums with Geffen Records marked an era of change with Jimmy DeGrasso (Alice Cooper, Suicidal Tendencies, Megadeth) on drums and Stef Burns (Alice Cooper, Berlin, Huey Lewis) on guitar.


"With a discography of 18 albums and three greatest hits collections, Y&T has sold over four million albums since their 1974 inception. The band received extensive airplay with hits such as Forever, Rescue Me, Mean Streak, and Summertime Girls—which played in heavy rotation on MTV. Y&T songs have been featured in a multitude of movies and television shows, including Real Genius, Out of Bounds, Baywatch, and Hunter. After five top 100 albums, songs that tipped into the 40s, two Bammie Awards, and many international television appearances, Y&T's hits are still played on VH1 Classic and classic rock radio stations everywhere.


"In 2010, Y&T released their first studio album in 13 years, featuring original members Dave Meniketti and Phil Kennemore, along with longtime members John Nymann on guitar and Mike Vanderhule on drums, who were each hand-picked by Kennemore and Meniketti years earlier. As the title indicates, Facemelter is a hard rockin', song-oriented album that lives up to its name. Recorded mostly live in the studio, it captures the band's raw energy and tightness for which they've become known. Featuring heavy grooves, powerful guitars and strong melodies, the band shows their versatility, delivering a range of high- energy rockers, mid-tempo head-bangers, modern rock grooves, majestic ballads, and signature Y&T rock anthems.


"After a show in the mid-'70s, a rabid fan told the band, “You melted my face.” And as any Y&T fan will testify still today, Y&T's strong suit lies in their high-energy, power-packed rock 'n' roll set.


"With Kennemore's untimely passing from lung cancer, the band carries on the legacy that is Y&T. Y&T continues to tour the world, featuring Dave Meniketti (guitar/lead vocals), John Nymann (guitar/vocals), Brad Lang (bass/vocals), and Mike Vanderhule (drums/vocals), playing songs from Facemelter as well as all the hits and fan favorites. Prepare to have your face melted."


www.YandTRocks.com

Happiness not in your lexicon – Honey for Christ might be for you

WHEN it comes to cheerful misery and doom-laden emotional tales then it could be your too happy and you should add Honey for Christ’s first full-length album, The Cruelty of Great Expectations, to your regular listening.

Northern Ireland's Honey for Christ

Lyrically this offering from the Northern Ireland trio is enough to turn the happiest, clappiest, tambourine wielding Salvation Army member into a tattoo bedecked alcoholic; it makes angst ridden emos seem genuinely happy souls.

Slayer offered a dystopian global view in World Painted Blood, Honey for Christ reach into the deepest parts of each individual’s soul; where bleakness and desolation stamp down the smiles.

But musically there is a pure joy to listen to such well-arranged, dark metal.

Live favourites such as album closer The Final Transition, and recent single offering, All Hope Was Strangled, will already be familiar to fans of the band. However, they are now placed firmly in an aural landscape that broods, menaces and snaps you into a place, where, as HFC say: “the serpent eats the sun”.

And therein lies a strength for Honey for Christ that too many emerging acts forget. There is a need for metaphors in lyrics, and the music must match the tone of the lyrics and vice versa. Arrangements can be overlooked by eager musos who’ve just come up with a riff, without thinking how it can be fitted into a fluid song. Gigging and recording have honed Honey for Christ into a tight studio force as well as an awesome live act.

Take a close listen to Another Way Down and its landscape, painted in lush tones of despair, with gloom slowly building to inner terror, the terror behind every business suit briefcase carrying drone or power-dressed woman eager for the top.

Plunge into the seven minute opus of Failures Within, and wrench apart the souls’ clothes that hide the trembling beast in poor bindings.

Self-confessed influences of Katatonia and Slayer can be traced, but the landscape of The Cruelty of Great Expectations is one also populated by time changes at times akin to Dream Theater, slowed down hints of Down and the inner consideration of Gojira. But from this melange a great spice has been extracted – one with the dark beating heart of heavy metal strident in its blood-soaked glory. Gothic was never so good.

Great expectations can be cruel, for the flipside of hope is despair. David Lee Roth once said that Eddie Van Halen was only happy when he was miserable. Misery isn’t so bad when Honey for Christ’s misery can make one so happy.

The Cruelty of Great Expectations is available from 7th April on Rundown Records.

Honey for Christ are: Chris Armstrong (drums), Andy Clarke (vocals/guitar) and Paul McCoberts (bass).

Album launch party is Saturday 9th April at the Spring and Airbrake.

Lizzy part with Campbell

THIN Lizzy are to split from guitarist Vivian Campbell...and this time it's not because a guitarist is leaving as a result of musical differences.

Def Leppard Instead Campbell is returing to axe duties. Lizzy will replace Campbell with Richard Fortus, last seen wielding a six-string with Guns 'n' Roses.

Campbell's departure will be ahead of Lizzy's Slaine Castle appearance on the Kings of Leon undercard.

It also ends any speculation that Campbell would be double-jobbing for the Def Leppard, Alice Cooper, Thin Lizzy Odyssey Arena triple header in June.

Tickets are still available for the Odyssey gig for those of us who cannot afford to travel to Donington for Download!

Inflammable political material

STRANGE times are with us - heaviness abounds and doom-laden skies....ooops almost started writing a short story there. Just a quick note instead to mention a couple of things.

First - today I couldn't be arsed at all noting down all the upcoming gigs. Especially since Phil and the Rock Radio NI has already done it - comprehensive local listings check! Move on to next piece of waffle.

Elections are boring - right? Well at least there is now a wee music connection. Former Stiff Little Fingers sticksman Brian Faloon (he was the one who played on Inflammable Material) is standing in the Assembly elections in South Belfast for the People Before Profit Alliance. Good luck Brian!

Now this is enough for now as I'll need some beer before progressing further!

That would be an ‘eavy spring programme then...

THE daffodils are emerging tentatively through the drying soil, and lambs are bounding through fields, self-tenderising for the barbecue, and the Ormeau Road is being blitzed with some ‘eavy fuggin’ metal.

Yep, The Distortion Project’s spring programme has moved into high gear with April and May looking like a sonic wasteland of vibes to smash any sunny smiley thoughts that might have been pushing through your winter gummed eyes.

Last week alone we saw Darkest Era launch their début platter. Have to confess we (as in me and my son) were disappointed to miss this one, as Darkest Era performed way back at the first No Fake ID Required* gig. Krum electrified the crowd by plunging into the midst of a crowd of sweaty moshing teenagers.

Good luck to them, but as if that wasn’t enough to prepare you for the clocks going forward then hold on to your wee satanic cotton socks, because...well the line-up tells all.

In no particular order...Honey For Christ launch their new album ‘The Cruelty of Great Expectations’ on April 9th; “experimental-terror-metal noise heroes “ Today is the Day" play the Spring and Airbrake the night before; Hellbastard bring the ‘Bastards over Europe’ tour line-up to Auntie Annies on the 10th; and then we move into May…

Soilent Green land in the Limelight on 11th May, Welsh deathheads Desecration pop up in the same place the next day; and then we have the small matter of My Dying Bride on 22nd May at the Spring and Airbrake.

Look I could go on endlessly about support acts, ticket prices and availability, but as a former full-time journalist and current part-time chancer (well I work in PR, what do you expect!) save me the bother and head over to The Distortion Project and read, as they say, all about it!

Anyone else wanting gigs, events, metal weddings, black metal bar mitzvas, grindcore internments, or thrash metal formals mentioned email me. [PS – we also do album reviews!]


*No Fake ID Required was a name that a crowd of ne-er do wells used for two all-ages hard rock and metal gigs. I came up with the name when we were ensconced on sofas at Ossia Music School. As Paul, Stephen, Alli and Laura were all present there is collective ownership of the name. You may, of course, want to use it, but only with written permission from all of the above, your request being sent in your own blood Manowar style. Or send us a large amount of unmarked, non-sequential £50 notes in a brown envelope, which we will split and donate to the continuing profits of Jagermeister and Jack Daniels.
You may have noticed that included in this article are some links to the acts, which go to album links or MP3 download links in Amazon.com. Please do not feel obliged to buy from any of these links, but if you do Mr Arthur Guinness and Mr Jack Daniels will have your undying thanks. My liver on the other hand...

Tasty trio of delight

CAUTIONARY NOTE: This isn't a review. When you pay in you shouldn't review stuff. This is an opinion, rather than a structured review. Also I suffered a severe allergic reaction...light headed and blurred vision on the night in question. Some have said it was the Guinness...mayhap they could be right!

Anyhoo - after that tortuous note on with the point of this wee blog post. Last Saturday night those kind and occassionally reliable people at Translink managed to deliver me safely to the comfortable confines of Ye Olde Limelight in that fashionably desolate Ormeau Road. Asides from saying hello to some old acquaintances (hi there Sid, Kyle, Martin, Mick etc) and finally f-2-f with Seatzie the purpose of the journey was to finally see Trucker Diablo live.

But first there were a couple of other musical appertiffs to be had.

A band I had not seen before are Third Harvest (I think that's what James at DP said!) and if it was something else I apologise as I was relatively sober at that point. They were very, very, very tight, prodicing an amalgam of styles ranging from progressive metal arrangements to straight forward heads down; all nailed down to within the finest breadth of the high 'e' string. Get in touch guys, would love to hear some more and get some background.

Next up were Soundstone.I confess that I have a soft spot for Soundstone. There is a rough and ready strut about them that always appealed, not to mention Adrain's tasty lead playing. Last week they were a bit looser than normal, owing to lack of gigging, but there was that nice wee look about them that speaks of a band than can sleaze about in any company.

Trucker Diablo enticed me when they forwarded an e-version of their album to assault my ears. There was that certain something about them that an old wrinkly rocker like me can't ignore. They're a party band, a band up there to lay down the riffs, tear up the night and leave you wondering why they're not on tour with an international package - hey there's an idea; The Answer, M$R, Trucker, S/Stone and LKA (plus any other NI bands you care to mention - ripping venues a new arsehole.



Okay - enough of wishful thinking and diversions - I'll not belabour the point but I was Drinking Beer, Trucker Destroyed, and later on that night and early the next day I felt as if the Big Truck ran me over. If you don't get those references, get the album 'The Devil Rhythm, get the beer in and enjoy yourself til your wee cotton rockin' socks are ripped off in sheer rockin' metal delight.

Get a reality check - please take a chill pill!

OKAY here's a wee step outside the norm for this blog - a serious rant. I have noticed of late a serious and committed attempt to big up the Northern Ireland rock and metal scene. And it is getting ever more healthy if you haven't noticed. With the Diamond Rock Club, the Distortion Project, Ma Nelson gigs and various other things going on, it's healthy.

But there are some people that slag off those trying to get the shit organised. The simple equation is that if you want in, fair enough, if not, also fair enough. The promoters, the bands, the venues are all pretty much in it together. But the point to make here is not that what they are all doing is not worthy - rather they are doing it out of love of the music.

While you are raging at some perceived injustice about people doing what they love please, please take a step back. They're not harming anyone, and through efforts such as charity fundraisers are doing a lot of good.

Local bands need outlets for everything from album launches through to just being seen; that they are prepared to do some good is even more laudable.

I want anyone who thinks about slagging off anyone else to take a look at the two photographs below. Just for a moment think about your priorities.

I've lifted them from the BBC website and apologies to the Beeb, but there is an important point I am making.

We all need a sense of perspective now and again. These images have haunted my dreams more than anything else in recent years.

Right now there are hundreds of ways that you can help: head to a charity gig, take part in some of the work Iron Maiden have done, or even just log on to the Red Cross appeal.

But most of all, next time you think about having a pop at somebody else, realise what you are doing, and have a pop at something in the real world. If we are here talking about heavy metal and hard rock, it's not going to change governments or spread democracy in oppressed lands. It's just a music form; a very important music form to all of us who listen, but not the most important thing.

As I look at the images above I sort of wonder about the heavy metal bands from Japan like Vow Wow, Loudness and Anthem. I haven't looked at their sites because of the enormity of the earthquake and tsunami because I feel like a moral coward, sneaking a voyeuristic peek at a tragedy.

Right - I've ranted, and mixed several non-coherent themes, but I've got it off my chest. Normal service will now return. Thank you for reading and tolerating this crap!  Now everybody chill the fuck out!

No escape from the the Dillinger Plan

THOSE complicated, resilient little old 'mathcore' scamps Dillinger Escape Plan will be returning to Belfast for an August 4th date at the Spring and Airbrake - 24 hours after Iron Maiden rock the Odyssey, it's a perfect way to chill out after the Maiden over-the-top (and worthy) theatrics.

Priced at £14 (+£2 booking fee) the gig will see the New Jersey crew lay down, once again, their complicated and heavy hitting tracks backing the 2010 Option Paralysis release

Full DEP profile and gig booking details here.

(Although worth noting that some of the info is out-of-date in terms of what is the latest release from DEP)

You can’t fake greatness

THE thriller writer Christopher Brookmyre* has the protagonist of one his fine novels utter the lines: “Irresistible allure of nostalgia for the aging male who’s pining for lost youth. How the hell else could SLF and The Buzzcocks sell out venues in the late 80s?”

Back then the jaded, backcombed fashionistas would never have forseen the enduring appeal of SLF. The Buzzcocks may still be knocking around, but I neither know nor care – Belfast’s finest seem to be enduring.

Equally Brookmyre’s lines tell the lie that there the audience for SLF will be eternally on the wane as audiences’ age and styles move on.

If you were among the fortunate to be in the sell-out crowd on Saturday night (12th March) you will know that the age of the fans means that Stiff Little Fingers can have no doubt that a new generation of fans is developing and maturing in its taste for Rigid Digit fury.

For them each old tune was greeted as much like a new track, with the same verve as if it had been a hotly tipped track of some young outfit caught on a sampler CD.

For those of us of – ahem – a certain age the old and not-so-old tracks are greeted like old friends, friends to share a drink, a laugh and gale of not so restrained chants.

Even more unexpected was the excellent set from The Defects.

For those who missed out on the late 70s and early 80s Belfast punk scene, The Defects were amongst the motley crew of oiks like Rufrex, Rudi and the Outcasts who were born amid conflict, from the wombs of the Harp Bar, The Pound, The Labour Club and other even less salubrious venues.

For them – like SLF – the authority of the police and the pseudo-authority of bastard paramilitaries was to snubbed, ignored and generally taken the piss out of.

For each three-minute blast of fury on Saturday it was like punk never left – and it never really did. Tunes like Dance (Til You Drop) and Brutality have an elegance that those who slagged off the surface idiocy never understood, nor took the time to see them in context. But by scabs of history were well and truly ripped off to see the bleeding, pulsing sore that created Belfast punk newly exposed to the slightly stale air of the Ulster Hall.

Even more heartwarming was to hear kids chanting along to the words of Brutality who were still in primary school when the RUC became the PSNI, and an abbreviation that produced a less musical chant than the time-honoured “SS RUC”. That did earn the frowns of at least one bouncer who would have been graduating into the big school at around the same time.

If The Defects produced a set to warm up the Ulster Hall Stiff Little Fingers set the temperature dial to inferno: the teasing strains of Go For It coaxed every single soul to readiness before a storming, frantic ‘Roots, Radicals, Rocker’ blistered into action.

It was apparent that the pace was being upped, as each and every song seemed to have a tempo designed to either sweat the crowd into submission, or pack as many tunes as possible into the time span.

‘Just Fade Away’, ‘Tin Soldiers,’, ‘Wasted Life’, ‘Fly the Flag’ were among the tracks given a heart-stopping treatment. But the sheer speed of delivery didn’t diminish the playing, or the crowd’s response.

As alluded to, it was a crowd that spanned generations – from kids barely into their teens (and at least one on the balcony not yet to reach that milestone) to those about to end their fraternising with the 40s as the 50s looms – and it is a testimony to SLF that they can engage such a wide age bracket.

And there was also a sense that the political agenda of Jake Burns lyrical stance has come full circle. A majority of tracks aired where written when Thatcher’s Tories were waging war on the working class. Now the ConDem Coalition Government’s mantra of cuts is slashing working men and women’s wages and prospects, SLF aired a new song about how the bankers are basking in bonuses while public services are slashed and burned out of existence.

SLF will never, by themselves, make a change in the political landscape, but part of the enduring power is that Jake reminds us that there can be a sense of fairness that we can aspire to, there can be an alternative view outside the mainstream zombie inducing media, and there can be independent thinking.

But, as yer man also pointed out, just because ther're "miserable gits", doesn’t mean they can’t have a laugh at themselves – hence a rousing Barbed Wire Love.

And in each track from ‘Suspect Device’ through to lesser known sings such as ‘Harp’ [and by my bleeding wee fingers I love that song!] the mikes on stage were picking up the crowd’s singing. At a vantage point close to the stage right PA system the crowd’s response was a counterpoint, an enhancement, to every chorus, and every chant – all produced without a prompt, or poser’s preening for crowd response. SLF had an audible backing group of 1,000+ and the onstage directional mikes weren't pointed at the audience...

Encores produced one surprise, one not-so-surprise and a lot of sweaty burling about and pogoing.

Jake has always spoken and sang about how Joe Strummer’s influence on him – I paraphrase here, but Rory Gallagher gave Mr Burns a reason to pick up a guitar, and Joe gave him the passion to keep on playing.

Thus, when ‘I Fought The Law’ burst out it was an almost state of ecstasy that swept the crowd. Welcoming Ricky Warwick on to stage we were invited to “Please be upstanding for the National Anthem” and ‘Alternative Ulster’ seemed for some to round off the evening.

But checking out your standard SLF resumé there was the small matter of ‘Johnny Was’ that was an inevitable second encore – and the Ulster Hall was working harmonies along to the pathos of the Bob Marley song.

SLF will never be great in terms of the shallow measures of Pop Idol or X-Factor (Take ‘Guitar and Drum’ and shove it up Cowell’s superannuated arse if you ever meet him!). Nor will mere accountants’ figures of sales or cashflow measure or account for the longevity of SLF; or why street kids, metalheads, hard rockers, ska types, old skinheads, thrashers, and, of course, aging punks turn out to see the ‘Fingers.  For all the banter, all the self-deprecation, SLF are a band that will never be accorded accolades, but will always, always have a measure of greatness that few can aspire to.

And that greatness was bursting through in the Ulster Hall in what in this humble reviewer’s gigs was one of the most electric gigs I have seen SLF play since the tension filled fury of the Go For It tour gig in the same venue. In fact it was much better.

Stiff Little Fingers – the punk band that could play; the rock band with punk sensibilities; the pop punk progenitors; but most of all, Belfast’s finest bar none.

ENDS

PS – I am fuckin’ biased but I don’t care, because there are a lot of us biased towards SLF too!

* - Country of the Blind: Christopher Brrokmyre P121 Abacus 2002 paperback

Holy Christ it's a new Honey for Christ album!

Making plans for April? Mark a date in your diary for Saturday April 9th before you do anything else!

Veteran metallers Honey for Christ unleash their début full-length platter of heaviness on that date in the ye olde Spring and Airbrake - courtesy of the Distortion Project.

With the tantalising title of  "The Cruelty of Great Expectations", those hungry to gather up the tunes can lay your grubby mits on it that night, for copies will be there for you to pass over the pounds to listen to the pounding tunes.

And if that wasn't enough to tempt you out (and if not you may need a metal transplant, or a good excuse from your doctor!) Honey for Christ will be joined by Condemned and Rebels by Nature (as well as another act to be confirmed!)

Doors are at 7pm and entry is a paltry £7.

http://www.honeyforchrist.com/

http://www.myspace.com/condemneduk

http://www.myspace.com/rebelsbynature

At your own risk...or at mine if you comment... :)

If, at this point, you continue to read further you do so at your own risk...below is a short story; if you chose to progress you will discover that I may have won awards, been commended for my journalism, and even on occassion ghost-written heavy political stuff, but leave me alone with Uncle Jack and cousin Carly then the result is short stories...in this case a slightly daft one..let me know how daft you think it is!
1



Four years of fighting, and no sign of victory.



Another year and he could retire to teach at what was left of the Academy. Four years and only two days of respite per month. Just 96 days of relief. In his hands he played with the headset. Such a relic. They were his only real respite, a window to a past gone for more than 900 years. A relic that had been left from his long-dead relative, passed through generation after generation, with none knowing what the silver discs contained.

Each month he had sat, connected to the dumb terminal, researching, reading what ‘ware he would let into his mind, always careful that no neural bombs had been left by the ‘bots.

Finally, two months ago he had broken the code, assembled a converter and copied the files to his ‘ware. Almost 2,000 files lay within, each labelled with obscure titles, and even more obscure names and organisations. It was another month before he dared to open one, fearful that the ancient codes would have decayed and corrupt his neural interfaces. When he finally opened them he was shocked for the first time since joining up in the ‘ware marines. He expected codes, ‘ware, even text downloaded via the ancient headset. Instead, three brief lines from someone whose name had been lost in the centuries passing, explaining the concept of music.

Music, a small word. A word that he had to look up in the library ‘ware. It was a word and a definition that baffled him, until the first chords blasted through the headset. He had laughed in shock.


Now it was his only solace. He had to face up to probable defeat. Commander of the Software Division of the United Earth Space Marines, and commander of a division that was slowly, but surely being defeated by the ‘bots. There had been some glimmer of hope this past three weeks, but until he could marshal a counter-attack…

2.

“Sir, the divisional reports are ready to be uploaded,” said Samuels, his Exec Officer, who bustled into the room, still smelling of the stimulant he tolerated, but frowned upon; especially it’s use among his Official Cadre officers and ‘ware specialists. It might keep them awake and alert for a few extra minutes in death space, but it made them rash and, at times too impulsive against the ‘bots.

“Okay Samuels, thanks. You had any downtime?”


The man had been a competent marine when programming, but lacked the inherent strength of visualisation while in 'ware time. Where most marines visualised rich tapestries of sound, vision, smell and touch, Samuels preferred the quiet visualisations of boardrooms. It matched his straight bearing, impeccable uniform and angular face. Topped by the neatly trimmed grey hair he looked less like a marine and more like a member of the administrative cadre. He was in total contrast to the dishevelled demeanour of his commander.

“Yes, sir and I’m due relax trance tomorrow.”

“Okay, dismissed.”

Relax trance. What a stupid word combination. It was nothing to do with relaxing. The trance was designed to age his men and women. Their fights with the ‘bots were in a world where time was measured in a different framework compared to the rest of the human population. His four years in the wars had seen normal time fly by in a blur of more than 50 years, his body ageing slowed by the perverse nature of the quantum world the ‘bots occupied. The ageing was necessary, because without it the brain systems would overtake the neural wetware that bridged complex brain areas; a pathway of tiny interfaces measured in diameters of electrons and neutrons. The interfaces crossed posterior parietal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex, effectively linking the motion-processing areas of visual pathways and body-mapping areas.

The sense of space constructed by this cortex was linked to the cingulated cortex, using its focus and crossroads between planning and emotional impulses in the brain to translate higher functions and boost attention. The link enabled the visualisation of colours, environment and other interpreted senses from the battlefield, using the impression of senses to do battle in the quantum world where the bridges of intervention changed every aspect of the virtual battlefield.


Just another year. Even he, commander of the ‘ware marines, was limited to five years’ service – almost 70 years in real time. Any longer and the risk of akinetic mutism from damage to the anterior cingulate cortex increased exponentially. He’d seen too many friends, too many of his marines struck down with q-syndrome, as the soldiers had dubbed it. A weird zombie-like state first clearly understood and then diagnosed correctly almost 1,000 years ago. It had been known about for years before that, but the damage they incurred in the battle with the ‘bots was irreversible. Zombies with full consciousness, but no motivation, no urge to move, to do anything, not even speak. All who suffered were discarded from the service. The lucky few were given terminal neural interface connections by their relatives. It was a merciful death.


“Think too long on this shit and you’ll never hook up again Jonas,” he thought, suddenly deciding that it was time for work. The division was so depleted of resources even the commander was forced to enjoin the battles.


He donned the headset first, loading up another song, from what he presumed was a 20th Century religious movement, Blue Oyster Cult. Veteran of the Psychic Wars.


“How fucking appropriate!”


3.


Earth colonies had been gradually, slowly and cautiously exploring their distant corner of their galaxy for more than two centuries since they first mastered the art of sending drones to terraform uninhabited planets and then leapfrogging them with the sub-light driven ships, delivering colonists desperate to escape the dying throes of Earth.


Within 150 years more than 500 planets had been colonised, and then the first contact with the ‘bots came, bringing what seemed to be the beginning of the end. The ‘bots had appeared as physical ships to the first colony that they contacted. A ship set on course to colonise in their own unique way by a civilisation many millennia ago. There was no explanation offered by the ‘bots; no physical contact, simply the gradual neural dominance and extinction of the host via attacks based on a weird combination of imagined space and quantum physics. Their mission appeared to be simply to eradicate all biological codec that did not conform to their DNA and RNA sequencing programmes. At a rough estimate less than 20 per cent fitted their approved sequence.


Thankfully more than half of that fortunate few of the original colony decided that they owed it to the rest of humanity to warn them of the insidious invasion and slaughter that it precipitated.


Now there were less than 50 colonies, plus Earth system resisting, and more than 35 billion ‘defective’ DNA sequences eradicated. Samuels mused on the war. He’d been welcomed by the ‘Bots and carefully groomed in q-space to work on their behalf with the only force still resistingassimilation, the ‘ware marines. He thought sometimes of the people he’d helped kill through passing on ‘ware specs. He thought of their deaths. Sometimes he cried. Then, as he linked up with the willing survivors he felt the community of brain linkages that joined humanity with the long distant creators of the ‘bots – one huge galactic wide net of linked individuals and colony ‘bots. An efficient process, ordered and quiet.


To help him in his position as an infiltrator the ‘bots downloaded specialist ‘ware to his hippocampus. The convergence of neurons and their snapshot imagery of the rest of his brain activity was a perfect base for capturing and re-imaging neural activity to make Jonas and all his associated colleagues in the Human Defence Forces think of Samuels as nothing more than a dull but loyal EO.

Unfortunately the ‘ware managed to create chaos within a small section of the cerebellum that controlled sweat glands, leaving him with the whiff of coffee, long-outlawed in its concentrated form in the colonies.

4.


Whatever organisation had been called Black Sabbath soothed Jonas with their sweeping aggressive music as he coursed through the battlefield, fending off ‘bot attacks, launching counter-attacks through neural viruses. The q-fields were adapted according to each marines’ own personal visual interpretation. His choice was an ancient game, played by his ancestors through clumsy visual interfaces. They had been called role-playing games and first-person shooters. The names were appropriate to what was his job. Cutting through swathes of code, using every type of programming language ever invented by humanity to sabotage the ‘bots manipulation of quantum fields. The very processes humanity had used to speed its computing capabilities to colonise their corner of the galaxy had been turned against them. Only the speed, flexibility and adaptability of the human brain could now provide a counter.


Black Label Society switched to Kiss, before Metallica took over...

For the first time in months they were making real progress. He switched to the separate ‘ware controlling his divisional deployments, marshalling a counter-thrust in three separate sectors.

The Offspring played on, followed by Alice Cooper focussing his mind...


“Sector four, press forward, div. two, they’ll drive into that noose you’ve got forming. Lock those codes in there. When they try to break through in binary, lock ‘em down and release neural bombs.” he projected to his divisional commanders, before switching back to his own field of combat.


Led Zeppelin, System of a Down and then Nine Inch Nails...


5

“I don’t know why he won’t just die,” Samuels projected to the ‘Bots. His own visualisation was of a boardroom, appropriate for an Executive Officer.


“I’ve released every neural pathogen, every neural bomb and dozens of viruses. He seems to have a way of combating each and every one. And some of the Marines seem to have developed that same ability.”

The ‘Bots, shed of the crude machinery that most of humanity believed them to be, appeared as fields of shimmering material in q-space. Their every move and his every observation changing the matter and the visualisation.


“What is music?” one asked.


“I don’t know.”

It seems to be the virus they are using,” the ‘Bot replied. “It is like a wall, which we cannot penetrate, and we cannot sequence quick enough when they have it activated to fight them off. It is not appearing on any of the pathways we map of the Marines ‘ware, nor their physical neural activity.”



“What is an Ozzy?” another asked.

I don’t know.”

“What is a Motorhead?”


“I don’t know.”

“What is a Ramone?”

“I don’t know.”

“What is an AC/DC??


“I don’t know.”


The boardroom shuddered.

"The Marines have breeched all our secure neural sites.”


“What, you told me those were the hubs to…”

“There’s something coming along…”

“You told me you couldn’t lose…”

“Samuels, what is headbanging?”

His boardroom exploded, the visualisation cut apart by seeming arcs of fire and explosions. Walking through the debris was Jonas. The image was one of a man 20 years Jonas’ junior, carrying an ancient projectile weapon and laughing. As he fired the weapon the quantum fields slithered and rolled, the programming languages cutting the ‘Bots internal integrity down to nothingness. Samuels knew he was seeing Jonas’ visualisations. And if he could see them, quantum law dictated that both he and the visualisation could be altered by that observation. He had to think fast, alter the vision before Jonas…


“Hey Samuels!” Jonas called out at him. The tired Commander was laughing. His hair seemed longer and he was dressed in ancient combat fatigues.

“Hanging out with the our low-life robotic quantum motherfuckin’ friends. It’s fuckin’ crazy man, we’re getting them beat.” He seemed drunk or high to Samuels.


“It’s not how they think it goes any more. We’re winning and we won’t live as slaves to these small quantum fuckers. If only they’d learn how to love us, and forget to hate us. Maybe it’s not too late for them. Will your mental wounds heal before I kill you.


“No guess not, all aboard the Crazy Train - you’re gonna die traitor.”


After the loud blast of the projectile weapon cutting across quantum space, Samuels heard a maniacal laugh and someone screaming, “All Aboard’. Samuels’ treachery died along with him.


ENDS

Infectious grooves and raucous riffs

WHEN it comes to infectious grooves and raucous riffs are delivered hard and to the point in Last Known Addiction’s début release, One Left Standing; there, that’s the review over.

No seriously that would be enough to tell all that needs to be told about the band’s release to make you run along and part with the cash.

But there is a little more depth to this release than just another platter of tunes. There are a few niggles, but what band hasn’t experienced these trying to place hard crafted tracks down for the first time.

Above all, this release showcases a fine sense of song writing. Around The World, Always Coming Home and Preach stand out. These tracks take the tried and trusted hard rock formula and wring its neck with fingers clenched round guitars, pummel its melodies with fine tuned sensibilities and douse the whole lot with petrol-soaked Northern Ireland attitude.

The whole album sees the band as the bastard sons of an unholy union between Black Stone Cherry, The Answer, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Foreigner – with Lemmy present at the birth.

Yes there are a few wee problems – Bring It seems to be two different songs pushed into one, and the start of the excellent Always Coming Home seems a little muddy (but that could just be my copy). But these are tiny blips when seen in the context of a rather excellent CD!

But, this is not a one-dimensional band. On One Left Standing Last Known Addiction display a talent for honing their skills on more sensitive tracks– Simultaneously and Fight.

Album closer Fight is a particularly haunting acoustic track, delivered with rare passion and heartfelt singing.

It is not unfair to say that there are many so-called singer songwriters who would sacrifice a limb to be able to pen something this good.

Overall, One Left Standing should be regarded not as a good release from a local band; it should be considered as an album fit to adorn the shelves of any CD rack in any store across the western world.

Also this is a reflection as to just how good the hard rock talent is is pouring out of Northern Ireland. Never mind England; never mind Scotland; never mind Wales; and never mind the US of A. Last Known Addiction, Trucker Diablo, Million$Reload and a host of others are leaving the competition in their wake. With The Answer soon to release a new album A&R men take note – we’re coming and let no-one stand in our way. Kick The Tyres of the opposition, this Nation is one coming for you all.

Coming later

Coming later...Review of Last Known Addiction's début release 'One Last Standing'

And...why you should never let canines listen to Slayer...the doggie assisination attempts become less subtle..Episode One - Make your Master scald himself by walking behind him as he attempts to walk to sink to drain pasta...

Musing on tragedy

WE have an inclination to muse and dwell upon tragedy, even assocating ourselves with the Facebook pages and liking the campaigns they spawn: for there is nothing more poignant than not being able to express how a distant, remote figure has been able to touch us, lift us, or even just make us smile with what they did in the public eye.

Of course there is the faux fawning associated by Royal wrecks and celebrity no-marks when they shake off the mortal coil. But when a muscian - and I mean a true musician of any genre - passes it sparks off a reflection.

Too often this glosses over the idiosyncracies and flaws of that musician, not reflecting that it is those same idiosyncracies and flaws that were part of the genius.

That is partly why I have been a little reluctant to post about Gary Moore's recent tragic death.

I had the privilege to see Mr Moore play to a packed Ulster Hall in the 80s, at a gig during which he was joined for the encore by one Mr Phil Lynott.

It was during Mr Moore's metal phase. Whatever inspired Mr Moore to beef up his sound, gather journeymen hard rockers like Bob Daisley around him and go all metal, it was an electric evening, A sign that I am getting old is that I can remember most of the set, but not the surname of fellow Boy's Model pupil Jeff with whom we went into town to get autographs (whatever happened to my old biker jacket that had all the autographs on the lining...) from the band.

Asides from Moore's output in the 80s and his Lizzy contribution - Black Rose being a true highlight for both Lizzy and Moore - I will not profess to be one of his 'biggest fans'. If as many on various posts and tweets were his greatest fans then all his albums would have sold millions each and every year.

But that is a petty thought, and one that deserves noting but nothing else.

Mr Moore was a true guitarist guitarist. I never really 'got' the Colliseum II jazz-rock, and found the blues stuff had amazing playing but not totally to my tastes, but no-one could, or should ever deny that Mr Moore was a great among axe-slingers of any generation. This was a man, who as a 16-year-old was playing with the proto-Lizzzy Skid Row, and churned out an amazing variety of styles throughout his career with a deceptively easy virtuousity.

And he was 'ours'. It seems a little bit silly to 'claim' a man as a city's own, but as journalist Gary Grattan put it on Facebook, for Northern Ireland's guitarists "he was our George Best".

Yes, he was indeed. That may seem over-egging the pudding to those that cannot see past the latest Murdoch output of celebs and footie hype, but Gary Moore touched people through his talent. I may not have been a total devotee, but I know that the city should honour, revere and mark his contribution.

The campaign to have a statue erected in his honour in the city centre deserves to be successful.

Whether the good burghers of City Hall will see that is the case is dubious, but at least we should commend the fact that such staid men and women have at least opened a book of condolences in City Hall.

Mr Moore, thank you for your music, thank you for one electric, unforgettable night at the Ulster Hall, and thank you for sharing your Belfast born talent with the world. My sincerest condolences to your family and friends.

ENDS

PS - to the reporter who wrote that piece in The Sun about Mr Moore having died after a binge, only to be proved wrong within hours when the post-mortem showed Mr Moore died of natural causes: I suspect you won't have the guts to recant your vile article, nor will your employers print a detailed retraction or apologise to Mr Moore's family. Just like Hillsborough never let the truth interfere with lower than gutter reporting! It sullies the name of every proper, honest journalist that you and your colleagues breathe the same air.

Quick Distortion Project listing

HERE'S a quick list of the upcoming Distortion Project shows...if anyone else has shows they want on the blog email me.

Saturday 19th February. Dark Forest + Altus Astrum + Rabid Bitch of the North. The Limelight, Belfast. Doors 5pm, £7.00


Saturday 26th February. Interrogate + Rebels by Nature + Cursed Sun. The Limelight, Belfast. Doors 4pm, £3.50

Saturday 5th March. By Any Means + Fragments + Silence Convicts. The Limelight, Belfast. Doors 5pm, £3.50

Saturday 12th March. Portrait + Midnight Priest + Age of Taurus. The Limelight, Belfast. Doors 5pm, £10

Saturday 19th March. Trucker Diablo + Soundstone + Third Harvest. The Limelight, Belfast. Doors 5pm, £3.50

Sunday 20th March. Accept + Wolf. The Spring & Airbrake, Belfast. Doors 8pm, £22.50 adv/£24 on door.

Saturday 26th March. Darkest Era + Sirocco + Sorrowfall (original line-up!) + 1 TBC. £5 This will be the launch gig for Darkest Era’s debut album “The Last Caress of Light” The Limelight, Belfast. Doors 5pm, £5

Friday 8th April. Today is the Day + TBC. Spring & Airbrake, Belfast. Doors 9pm, £TBC

Sunday 10th April. Hellbastard + Panzerbastard + Suicide Watch + War Iron. Auntie Annies, Belfast. Doors 8pm, £10

Thursday 5th May. Putrid Pile + Cerebral Bore + Zombified + Fragments. Auntie Annies, Belfast. Doors 8pm, £5

Thursday 12th May. Desecration + Condemned + Voluytron + Zombified. The Limelight, Belfast. Doors 9pm, £6.